Last month I had a scheduled call with my international girlfriends. We set this time aside on purpose, to connect. One was folding laundry. Another was doing a puzzle, which was titled as a “fun task”. I had two monitors open, editing on a deadline, somehow also keeping up the conversation. Why can't we just lean back and be with each other?
Multitasking seems to be the only acceptable way for women to exist. How many of us can actually sit still? The chores never end, but who decided we had to move at this pace?
As this project evolves, I keep hearing the same thing from women: how hard it is to find real rest. What does a true resting place look like, for the mind, the body, the soul, when you're wired for output and for making things better?
While I was at Tuscan Creative Lab, someone mentioned a horse woman living next door in a castle. In my mind, I pictured an equestrian in her early fifties, manicured hands, perfectly put together, always.
Enter Selvaggia.
Lisa and I arrived at her property early in the morning, Castello del Calcione, the grounds massive, stalls with horses everywhere, the air thick with hay and hoofbeats. Selvaggia herself was already in the arena, riding her race horse with her trainer.
Later she told us she's training for the Palio di Siena, a centuries old bareback horse race. No woman has been accepted into it since the 1500s.
When her training was done, she hobbled over with a huge smile, said hi, and asked which horse we wanted for the shoot. She has thirty five to choose from, and she's nursing a recent leg injury, yet somehow still moves through her day with total grace.
The castle had just hosted a big wedding. She tells me they had a late night, and before she went to bed herself, she made sure her staff and her property were taken care of first. Then she bends down to pet her dog, Ma, who's about to give birth to somewhere around eight puppies, any minute now.
Castello del Calcione has been in her family since the 1400s. It was her grandmother's, then her mother's, and now it's hers to hold too. They host weekly guests, riding groups, and events all through Italy's busy season.
Selvaggia studied law at King's College, started her career in her early twenties in New York City, and eventually came back to her European roots. Her horses were calling her, and so was her dream of competing in the Palio.
She tells me riding bareback is the only place she feels at rest.
No multitasking. No phone in hand. Just the horse, the ground, and her.
Maybe that's the whole answer. Rest isn't something you schedule between tasks. It's something you have to get on top of and ride toward, reins down, hands open.
